Once I was ....
...Oh who the fuck cares?! ..
... Bottom line is,.. now who am I. I can sit here, and converse about all of my past escapades, but if I am not doing anything now, then what does it matter. I mean, if you cannot adapt and continue, then die and move on.
Once I was this giant rock star / playboy, that had more pussy than I knew what to do with. Now I wouldn't know what to do with it, if I had it. What happened? (what the fuck happened?)
I'll tell ya what happened. I got logical. Typically I would say that this is a good thing, but in this particular case, I would say the opposite. I don't care for anything anymore. Because nothing makes sense to me anymore. I think I may have finally bought into that new, 21st century thinking of "whatever will be, will be" as long as "it will be for me". I say this with very little conviction however, because, honestly, I think it's a bunch of horse shit!
I am so sick of all of these insecure, egotistical, self righteous bastards, who look at a woman and see what they can improve. Never taking the time to see what they can't replace. In turn, I am sick of all these gold digging whores that look at a man for what they can get from them, never taking responsibility of what they may have accomplished on their own, and blaming me, and others of my same stature, for failures they should own for themselves.
Why are we more interested in pruning our women and castrating our men. Why is it easier for a woman to lacerate their labia, and lazier off their hair, then it is for them to nurture and care for a man? Not to mention, more politically correct.... (whatever the fuck that oxymoron is supposed to mean.)
Why is it easier for a man to shave his balls, and wax his chest than to be assertive, or creative,or at least keep more than half of what he has built?
Why is it easier for us to go against everything that comes natural, than to just admit that "Hey! There are differences! (and) That's OK!!!
Now don't think that I have some hidden agenda here. Also, don't think that I have completely disregarded the alternative lifestyle in any way. However, is it wrong for me to talk about what is common? Is it, because it is common, that it has no right to an opinion?
Bottom line. I am am man. I am not a perfect man, but I have proven myself good enough to have a good life. A good woman, and a chance at pure happiness. Or any happiness in whatever I can find. Don't I?
Now, can you imagine how many "activists" I offended, by just saying that?
I'm just saying...
~SB~
Friday, February 18, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Definition of Insanity
As most of ya already know, I was recently released from prison. I had gotten into a drunk driving accident, and it cost me everything. Literally EVERYTHING! I have been struggling to move forward, but it hasn't been easy. It could be a lot worse though, if my friends Dave and Dani hadn't stepped up and helped me. For that I will be eternally grateful.
The mental and emotion trauma that one experiences cannot really be explained. It's second only to the physical abuse one is forced to overcome. I feel that the way the authority's treat you is just as bad as the fellow inmates. It's tough not to believe that you really are the piece of shit that they all believe you are. I was lucky. I had a wife that loved me, and stood by me. Allowing that anchor I need to hold me in reality, and to remind me that the world I was in, wasn't the real world. It gave me the pride to know that I was not like the rest of them. That I could hold my head up. That was, until she left.
When my wife left me, I had to re-evaluate my situation. Maybe I am a bad person. Maybe I deserve this. You can't help thinking these thoughts. Especially with the manner of viciousness and spite that my wife left. I still struggle with it today. I have a hard time being in large groups. I am quick to irritation. It's hard for me to enjoy myself outside of the house. I am always paranoid. I am always waiting for someone to come and take everything away again. I believe that I deserve it. I can't find a decent job. And after the one person who was supposed to love, and stand beside me for the rest of my life so ruthlessly destroyed what was left of it, I believe that I am a bad person.
I am not telling you this to get sympathy, or for you to pity me. I would like to educate people on some of the aspects of society that we have created. You see, I believe that we take good people in this country, and when they make a mistake, we put them in a place where they have to become bad people in order to survive. When you get locked up, you had better learn to do what you gotta do, and you had better learn it quick. By the time it is all over, you have now become a man that you can no longer be proud of, and you learn that the only people that understand you are people you never wanted to be associated with in the first place. This is reinforced by the way your family and friends treat you. By the way perspective employers treat you. By the way your P.O. treats ya. Some of it, in fact I'd bet that most of it, is unintentional. People don't realize that what happened to me, can happen to any one of you. So they look at me, and treat me differently, and I notice it. I don't like it.
I was driving 37 miles an hour around a corner when my truck tipped over and slid into someones yard. I knocked over some trash cans and caused an elderly woman to fall over, which in turn caused her to fracture a rib, and a laceration to her head. No one was permanently injured. (Thank God) Two private investigators, and the investigators of the Multnomah County Sheriff's office all testified that they had no idea how this accident happened, and that it was due to vehicle malfunction. Before this accident, I had a perfect driving record. Yes I had been drinking the night before, and I should not have gotten in that truck. That was stupid, stupid mistake. A terrible error in judgement. However, this accident would have happened had I been drinking or not. I hadn't realized the truck was in that bad of shape. I had just gotten it out of the shop, and both me and the mechanic had missed the suspension issues.
For this, I was forced to give up everything good that I had in my life. Everything I owned or loved was stripped from me. I was humiliated repeatedly, on a daily basis. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused, and now walk with a limp that I will probably have for the rest of my life. I am scorned, and scrutinized, even by some of the people who are supposed to be on my side. I am monitored, and know that there are people just waiting for me to screw up so they can lock me right back up. Worst of all, I actually believe now that I am a bad person. That this is what I probably deserve at some level. When you feel like that, it is very difficult to rise above it, although I continue to try.
What I challenge from you all, is to think about where we as a people are heading in our society. Are we going to continue to lock up good people for making bad choices, which in the end only produce bad people. We are locking up our fathers, and sons for a drunken bar fight. Not just for a few hours to cool off, but for 70 months. When these men get out, they really are something to be concerned with. Where, if we had just dumped a bucket of ice water on them, the whole situation could have been de-fused. We are no longer a nation of justice, of right or wrong, but a nation of winning and losing. Where the almighty dollar is in whom we trust. If you've got money, you can probably stay out of jail, but if you don't, then walk gently and in fear, because if you get caught making a mistake, it will cost you everything.
We keep locking up these people, expecting to solve the problem. However when most of these men are released, they have nothing on the outside for them. So inevitably they end up turning to drugs, and alcohol, which in turn leads to something stupid happening again. So what do we do? We lock them up again. Well if that didn't work the first time, then rinse and repeat till it does. What was it they say about the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Isn't that what we as a country are doing right now? Now with just the prison system, but with the War on Drugs, our Education Platform, the War on Terror, Social Security, Welfare, Public Medical, and Dental, Big Corporate Business, Kick backs, and Bailouts, ect. ect. ect. The list just goes on and on.
~Here's a few facts and quotes I found for you to think about.~
- 7.2 million Americans were either on parole, probation or incarcerated at the end of 2006. That's roughly 1 out of every 31 adults.
- The U.S. has the highest documented incarceration rate in the world. We have more people locked up then some countries have people.
- Approximately one in every eighteen men in the U.S. are either behind bars or are being monitored in some form.
- A 2002 study survey showed that among the 275,000 prisoners that were released in 1994, 67.5% were rearrested, and 51.8% were back in prison before they were out three years.
- The U.S. spends 6 times more on Corrections then it does on Education.
- In 2008 the U.S. spent 49 Billion dollars on Corrections.
- It is estimated that 1 in 9 state government employees works in corrections.
~Another Quote~
"High rates of incarceration may be due to sentence length for crimes such as theft and drug possession. Repeat offenders may not be properly handled due to a lack of focus on rehabilitation. Shorter sentences may even diminish the criminal culture by possibly reducing re-arrest rates for first-time convicts. The U.S. Congress has ordered that federal judges make imprisonment decisions "recognizing that imprisonment is not an appropriate means of promoting correction and rehabilitation."
: References
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the_United_States
http://rinf.com/alt-news/contributions/general/us-spends-6-times-more-on-prisons-than-education/2600/
http://economistsview.typepad.com/economistsview/2006/05/incarceration_r.html
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35455
The mental and emotion trauma that one experiences cannot really be explained. It's second only to the physical abuse one is forced to overcome. I feel that the way the authority's treat you is just as bad as the fellow inmates. It's tough not to believe that you really are the piece of shit that they all believe you are. I was lucky. I had a wife that loved me, and stood by me. Allowing that anchor I need to hold me in reality, and to remind me that the world I was in, wasn't the real world. It gave me the pride to know that I was not like the rest of them. That I could hold my head up. That was, until she left.
When my wife left me, I had to re-evaluate my situation. Maybe I am a bad person. Maybe I deserve this. You can't help thinking these thoughts. Especially with the manner of viciousness and spite that my wife left. I still struggle with it today. I have a hard time being in large groups. I am quick to irritation. It's hard for me to enjoy myself outside of the house. I am always paranoid. I am always waiting for someone to come and take everything away again. I believe that I deserve it. I can't find a decent job. And after the one person who was supposed to love, and stand beside me for the rest of my life so ruthlessly destroyed what was left of it, I believe that I am a bad person.
I am not telling you this to get sympathy, or for you to pity me. I would like to educate people on some of the aspects of society that we have created. You see, I believe that we take good people in this country, and when they make a mistake, we put them in a place where they have to become bad people in order to survive. When you get locked up, you had better learn to do what you gotta do, and you had better learn it quick. By the time it is all over, you have now become a man that you can no longer be proud of, and you learn that the only people that understand you are people you never wanted to be associated with in the first place. This is reinforced by the way your family and friends treat you. By the way perspective employers treat you. By the way your P.O. treats ya. Some of it, in fact I'd bet that most of it, is unintentional. People don't realize that what happened to me, can happen to any one of you. So they look at me, and treat me differently, and I notice it. I don't like it.
I was driving 37 miles an hour around a corner when my truck tipped over and slid into someones yard. I knocked over some trash cans and caused an elderly woman to fall over, which in turn caused her to fracture a rib, and a laceration to her head. No one was permanently injured. (Thank God) Two private investigators, and the investigators of the Multnomah County Sheriff's office all testified that they had no idea how this accident happened, and that it was due to vehicle malfunction. Before this accident, I had a perfect driving record. Yes I had been drinking the night before, and I should not have gotten in that truck. That was stupid, stupid mistake. A terrible error in judgement. However, this accident would have happened had I been drinking or not. I hadn't realized the truck was in that bad of shape. I had just gotten it out of the shop, and both me and the mechanic had missed the suspension issues.
For this, I was forced to give up everything good that I had in my life. Everything I owned or loved was stripped from me. I was humiliated repeatedly, on a daily basis. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused, and now walk with a limp that I will probably have for the rest of my life. I am scorned, and scrutinized, even by some of the people who are supposed to be on my side. I am monitored, and know that there are people just waiting for me to screw up so they can lock me right back up. Worst of all, I actually believe now that I am a bad person. That this is what I probably deserve at some level. When you feel like that, it is very difficult to rise above it, although I continue to try.
What I challenge from you all, is to think about where we as a people are heading in our society. Are we going to continue to lock up good people for making bad choices, which in the end only produce bad people. We are locking up our fathers, and sons for a drunken bar fight. Not just for a few hours to cool off, but for 70 months. When these men get out, they really are something to be concerned with. Where, if we had just dumped a bucket of ice water on them, the whole situation could have been de-fused. We are no longer a nation of justice, of right or wrong, but a nation of winning and losing. Where the almighty dollar is in whom we trust. If you've got money, you can probably stay out of jail, but if you don't, then walk gently and in fear, because if you get caught making a mistake, it will cost you everything.
We keep locking up these people, expecting to solve the problem. However when most of these men are released, they have nothing on the outside for them. So inevitably they end up turning to drugs, and alcohol, which in turn leads to something stupid happening again. So what do we do? We lock them up again. Well if that didn't work the first time, then rinse and repeat till it does. What was it they say about the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Isn't that what we as a country are doing right now? Now with just the prison system, but with the War on Drugs, our Education Platform, the War on Terror, Social Security, Welfare, Public Medical, and Dental, Big Corporate Business, Kick backs, and Bailouts, ect. ect. ect. The list just goes on and on.
~Here's a few facts and quotes I found for you to think about.~
- 7.2 million Americans were either on parole, probation or incarcerated at the end of 2006. That's roughly 1 out of every 31 adults.
- The U.S. has the highest documented incarceration rate in the world. We have more people locked up then some countries have people.
- Approximately one in every eighteen men in the U.S. are either behind bars or are being monitored in some form.
- A 2002 study survey showed that among the 275,000 prisoners that were released in 1994, 67.5% were rearrested, and 51.8% were back in prison before they were out three years.
- The U.S. spends 6 times more on Corrections then it does on Education.
- In 2008 the U.S. spent 49 Billion dollars on Corrections.
- It is estimated that 1 in 9 state government employees works in corrections.
~Another Quote~
"High rates of incarceration may be due to sentence length for crimes such as theft and drug possession. Repeat offenders may not be properly handled due to a lack of focus on rehabilitation. Shorter sentences may even diminish the criminal culture by possibly reducing re-arrest rates for first-time convicts. The U.S. Congress has ordered that federal judges make imprisonment decisions "recognizing that imprisonment is not an appropriate means of promoting correction and rehabilitation."
Critics have lambasted the United States for incarcerating a large number of non-violent and victimless offenders; half of all persons incarcerated under state jurisdiction are for non-violent offenses, and 20% are incarcerated for drug offenses (in State prisons, Federal prison percentages are higher). "Human Rights Watch believes the extraordinary rate of incarceration in the United States wreaks havoc on individuals, families and communities, and saps the strength of the nation as a whole." The population of inmates housed in prisons and jails in the United States exceeds 2 million, with the per capita incarceration population higher than that officially reported by any other country. Because of its size and influence, the U.S. prison industry may be referred to as the prison-industrial complex. Criminal justice policy in the United States has also been criticized for a number of other reasons." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the_United_States
Just a few thoughts for you to stick in you pipe and smoke. I am not saying that I have the answers to correct the problem, just that I know first hand that there is a problem. I would like for people to start listening to the ones who do have answers. Instead of the right wing extremest, with the biggest soap box to stand on
Just Saying,
~SB~
: References
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the_United_States
http://rinf.com/alt-news/contributions/general/us-spends-6-times-more-on-prisons-than-education/2600/
http://economistsview.typepad.com/economistsview/2006/05/incarceration_r.html
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35455
Friday, February 4, 2011
Me & You till it's Me vs. You
So you think you know what it means to bleed. What it means to grieve. What it means to disagree.... Try standing against, the only one, with whom you could believe in,... the only one, with whom you could feel free to breathe.
I recently was confronted with a reality that I could not avoid. Like I didn't hear it coming. I had to confront the fact that I am now at war with the one I love the most. This is an impossible situation, because even if you win, you lose.
However I still love these moments. These moments when I get to sit here in my chair, with my hands behind my head, trying to think of the next great thing to say. Yet, I hate the situations that put me in this situation... Sometimes I wonder if I create these drama's to fill my pallet of unused creativity. Or maybe I just allow situations to evolve so I can sit back and claim the victim? Maybe this takes away any validation I was looking for. Or maybe I was looking for that discredit. Maybe I am just as full of shit as I've always said I was. Maybe .. maybe.. maybe ...
Maybe I am sober when you think I am not. Maybe I'm not when you think I am. Maybe neither one of us know a god damn thing about how to figure out the VW's Transfer/Clutch plate vs. a real Transmission. Maybe we're all full of shit. Maybe we're not. Maybe someone has some sort of clue. I sure as hell hope so.
So it seems I'm out of sorts today... Like I have not a direction. This may be the truth, sadly. I do have a point here, but I haven't quite rightly figured out the direction I need to pull it from yet. So please bear with me.
How about I just tell ya a little story about myself and my dear Ol' (f%^ up) mother. We'll start with that.
There was this one weekend that I had made a descent chunk o' change, and had the next few days off. So out of complete spontaneousness, I decided to drive up to my mothers place. Now for those of you that do not know my mother, let me just say that she is a conversational piece. Not only in Hazard County, but the world around. I even remember calling my sister that night to get directions.
Anyways, the point is that I decided for the first time since me and Schmoe were together to do something completely on my own. I didn't ask permission, and with my girl, Schmoe, I didn't need to. Of course I called her and told her my plans, and of course she was completely supportive. However, I can not remember ever feeling more guilty. Here I was out visiting my mother and all I could think about was how I left my girl behind. The guilt was unbearable. I spent two days with my mom, and then broke every speed law between the two states of Washington and Oregon, with a half flat tire and, a full gut of whiskey, to get back to my baby, I felt so alone and guilty.
This is the woman I am at odds with now ... ughhh...
Less than 6 weeks later I was arrested for taking her out to breakfast.
Before the next year was up, my girl had left,.... and I was left with the "here after".
Got 16 days .. Got the Rosary, and the U-joint chamber ..
Got 16 days, and still have the ring on this fella's middle member...
I'm just saying ..
~SB~
I recently was confronted with a reality that I could not avoid. Like I didn't hear it coming. I had to confront the fact that I am now at war with the one I love the most. This is an impossible situation, because even if you win, you lose.
However I still love these moments. These moments when I get to sit here in my chair, with my hands behind my head, trying to think of the next great thing to say. Yet, I hate the situations that put me in this situation... Sometimes I wonder if I create these drama's to fill my pallet of unused creativity. Or maybe I just allow situations to evolve so I can sit back and claim the victim? Maybe this takes away any validation I was looking for. Or maybe I was looking for that discredit. Maybe I am just as full of shit as I've always said I was. Maybe .. maybe.. maybe ...
Maybe I am sober when you think I am not. Maybe I'm not when you think I am. Maybe neither one of us know a god damn thing about how to figure out the VW's Transfer/Clutch plate vs. a real Transmission. Maybe we're all full of shit. Maybe we're not. Maybe someone has some sort of clue. I sure as hell hope so.
So it seems I'm out of sorts today... Like I have not a direction. This may be the truth, sadly. I do have a point here, but I haven't quite rightly figured out the direction I need to pull it from yet. So please bear with me.
How about I just tell ya a little story about myself and my dear Ol' (f%^ up) mother. We'll start with that.
There was this one weekend that I had made a descent chunk o' change, and had the next few days off. So out of complete spontaneousness, I decided to drive up to my mothers place. Now for those of you that do not know my mother, let me just say that she is a conversational piece. Not only in Hazard County, but the world around. I even remember calling my sister that night to get directions.
Anyways, the point is that I decided for the first time since me and Schmoe were together to do something completely on my own. I didn't ask permission, and with my girl, Schmoe, I didn't need to. Of course I called her and told her my plans, and of course she was completely supportive. However, I can not remember ever feeling more guilty. Here I was out visiting my mother and all I could think about was how I left my girl behind. The guilt was unbearable. I spent two days with my mom, and then broke every speed law between the two states of Washington and Oregon, with a half flat tire and, a full gut of whiskey, to get back to my baby, I felt so alone and guilty.
This is the woman I am at odds with now ... ughhh...
Less than 6 weeks later I was arrested for taking her out to breakfast.
Before the next year was up, my girl had left,.... and I was left with the "here after".
Got 16 days .. Got the Rosary, and the U-joint chamber ..
Got 16 days, and still have the ring on this fella's middle member...
I'm just saying ..
~SB~
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Thanks D&D
Too many times I have sat here and bitched about what has wronged me. However there are a couple of friends that have stood by me. While all others fled, they stood solid, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I mean how many people do you have in your life that will support you no matter what? Honestly, where I sit, there could be an end to me at any moment. I could be locked up again at an bothersome clerk's whim. Yet they still carry on. So here's to you Dave and Dani .. you've done for me what no one else was willing to do. I hope I never let you down. I'll try, but I am only human. Sometimes I think that it's not enough,.. but I try anyways, because of people like you!
Thank You
Thank You
Holy ????
I put up a post a week ago. I stated that I was drawing a line in the sand....
Here's the thing about drawing a line. You force people to say "fuck you" to you. This is never a good idea. To do that, will straight out, put a brick wall in front of you on the freeway, at 75 MPH. You'll be forced to deal with the fact that no one lives in black and white as you do. There's so many shades of grey, and bottom line is, not everyone is a "Stand Up Mother Fucker" like you learned in the joint. Many people don't like to live outside their comfort zone. This is something I should have recognized before I made the ultimatum. I was wrong for that .. I guess... I think.
Here's the thing. I was taught that if you stand for nothing then you'll fall for anything. This may have been a bad lesson to learn, to prepare me for the modern age. These old values are not only obsolete, but are dangerous to live by. A very close friend of mine recently told me that I was too rigid. That I was unable to mix with different social classes. This took me by surprise. Especially since, I had not only introduced this person to different genres, but for years I had been the spark in many of his/her barn fires. However, I had to take this into consideration, not only because I am on a spiritual quest to find answers, but because I truly value this persons friendship. To back up this argument, I found that when I drew my line, only those that were not affiliated with the situation, took a stand. So maybe I am too rigid. ... or am I?
Here's another thing about taking a stand. It makes you accountable. But it allows you to hold those among you accountable. This has pro's and con's. The con's are, that you are easily subjected to judgement, and scrutiny. You constantly have to keep backing up your word with actions, and everyone takes notice. Especially when you fall flat on your face! ... You'll be forced into a role of leadership, and you'll be responsible for the actions of all those that follow you. Many of those, weaker than you are, will be looking for your failures, to give them ammunition to use against you. And ammunition, you will inevitably provide. There is no avoiding this, for it is impossible for anyone to be perfect at all times. ( Don't get me started on this ... I can even point out scripture where Jesus himself allowed himself to be in a position of scrutiny.)
Now don't get me wrong. There are many pro's to being a "Stand Up Mother FU@$#R" You're allowed to walk with your head up, knowing that you have stood up against popular belief, for something you actually believe in. You're allowed a sense of arrogance, and you can always justify it with your actions, which can never be challenged because most will cower rather than act. There is a lot to be said for that. You do gain the respect of many for that. If for no other reason, but because they are afraid to act themselves. Yes you'll gain enemy's,... however it's much more clear who they are, and you'll see them coming from much farther distances. When you stand up and say "THIS IS BULLSHIT" not only do you get attention, ( that part I don't much care for, contrary to popular belief) but you feel good about actually believing in something. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say. " I was right for that decision, if for no other. It is for that feeling, that I continue on my " less than popular" trail.
I retract my original ultimatum, but I do not apologize. I wanted to know who my friends are, and I believe I did. I learned that I do have friends. Maybe not as dedicated to me as I am to them, but I learned that I do have friends. For that I am very thankful. Thank you, to all my friends. However, I am one who stands for beliefs that have not been all that long forgotten. I challenge each and everyone of you that reads this to stand up for your beliefs. To expect those that you love to stand up for those beliefs too. Otherwise what really is the point. A life of mediocrity is really no life at all.
Now I am gonna end this ranting with something even more unpopular,but riddle me this before you judge.... Why is it so easy for us to accept others beliefs? Why is it that the stranger those beliefs are the more we embrace them,... at least in my circles? How do these beliefs have any more validity than those that have been around for thousands of years? Are they any less valid? God knows that I am not the example, by any means, of what a Christian should be, but I question this new trend to immediately disregard what a Christian says. Yes I'll agree, there is certainly too much judgment among that circle, but does that justify a complete disregard to what a man 2 thousand years ago said? Because if it does, that is amazing to me ... or very American. I guess it should be expected .. we, a country of about 200 years old, feel that it is our responsibility to solve the problems in the rest of the world that began over 3 thousand years ago. And they call me arrogant!
No Matter ... This was something significant to me .. Take it as you will...
Revelations 3:14-22
14 “And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: ‘The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God's creation.
15 “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! 16 So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. 17 For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. 19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. 21 The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”
WOW!!!
wow! I am stupefied with myself right now... Yet, in some weird way, it makes sense.
I'm just Saying
~SB~
Here's the thing about drawing a line. You force people to say "fuck you" to you. This is never a good idea. To do that, will straight out, put a brick wall in front of you on the freeway, at 75 MPH. You'll be forced to deal with the fact that no one lives in black and white as you do. There's so many shades of grey, and bottom line is, not everyone is a "Stand Up Mother Fucker" like you learned in the joint. Many people don't like to live outside their comfort zone. This is something I should have recognized before I made the ultimatum. I was wrong for that .. I guess... I think.
Here's the thing. I was taught that if you stand for nothing then you'll fall for anything. This may have been a bad lesson to learn, to prepare me for the modern age. These old values are not only obsolete, but are dangerous to live by. A very close friend of mine recently told me that I was too rigid. That I was unable to mix with different social classes. This took me by surprise. Especially since, I had not only introduced this person to different genres, but for years I had been the spark in many of his/her barn fires. However, I had to take this into consideration, not only because I am on a spiritual quest to find answers, but because I truly value this persons friendship. To back up this argument, I found that when I drew my line, only those that were not affiliated with the situation, took a stand. So maybe I am too rigid. ... or am I?
Here's another thing about taking a stand. It makes you accountable. But it allows you to hold those among you accountable. This has pro's and con's. The con's are, that you are easily subjected to judgement, and scrutiny. You constantly have to keep backing up your word with actions, and everyone takes notice. Especially when you fall flat on your face! ... You'll be forced into a role of leadership, and you'll be responsible for the actions of all those that follow you. Many of those, weaker than you are, will be looking for your failures, to give them ammunition to use against you. And ammunition, you will inevitably provide. There is no avoiding this, for it is impossible for anyone to be perfect at all times. ( Don't get me started on this ... I can even point out scripture where Jesus himself allowed himself to be in a position of scrutiny.)
Now don't get me wrong. There are many pro's to being a "Stand Up Mother FU@$#R" You're allowed to walk with your head up, knowing that you have stood up against popular belief, for something you actually believe in. You're allowed a sense of arrogance, and you can always justify it with your actions, which can never be challenged because most will cower rather than act. There is a lot to be said for that. You do gain the respect of many for that. If for no other reason, but because they are afraid to act themselves. Yes you'll gain enemy's,... however it's much more clear who they are, and you'll see them coming from much farther distances. When you stand up and say "THIS IS BULLSHIT" not only do you get attention, ( that part I don't much care for, contrary to popular belief) but you feel good about actually believing in something. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say. " I was right for that decision, if for no other. It is for that feeling, that I continue on my " less than popular" trail.
I retract my original ultimatum, but I do not apologize. I wanted to know who my friends are, and I believe I did. I learned that I do have friends. Maybe not as dedicated to me as I am to them, but I learned that I do have friends. For that I am very thankful. Thank you, to all my friends. However, I am one who stands for beliefs that have not been all that long forgotten. I challenge each and everyone of you that reads this to stand up for your beliefs. To expect those that you love to stand up for those beliefs too. Otherwise what really is the point. A life of mediocrity is really no life at all.
Now I am gonna end this ranting with something even more unpopular,but riddle me this before you judge.... Why is it so easy for us to accept others beliefs? Why is it that the stranger those beliefs are the more we embrace them,... at least in my circles? How do these beliefs have any more validity than those that have been around for thousands of years? Are they any less valid? God knows that I am not the example, by any means, of what a Christian should be, but I question this new trend to immediately disregard what a Christian says. Yes I'll agree, there is certainly too much judgment among that circle, but does that justify a complete disregard to what a man 2 thousand years ago said? Because if it does, that is amazing to me ... or very American. I guess it should be expected .. we, a country of about 200 years old, feel that it is our responsibility to solve the problems in the rest of the world that began over 3 thousand years ago. And they call me arrogant!
No Matter ... This was something significant to me .. Take it as you will...
Revelations 3:14-22
14 “And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: ‘The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God's creation.
15 “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! 16 So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. 17 For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. 19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. 21 The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”
WOW!!!
wow! I am stupefied with myself right now... Yet, in some weird way, it makes sense.
I'm just Saying
~SB~
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Huh?
I am confused. What does commitment, loyalty, friendship, marriage mean in this new millennium? Are these even attributes in todays American society? Maybe I am just too old school, but I still believe in these institutions. When you gain my commitment, you've earned yourself a true companion. Is is wrong for me to expect the same of others? Am I not also entitled to happiness? Does my happiness have to come from the pain of others. In todays America, do I have to "catch ya slipping " to find happiness? Do I have to constantly watch over my shoulder to make sure that people I am supposed to trust and depend on aren't waiting to stab me in the back? How is that really happiness? Call me weird, I don't believe that it is right to utterly destroy someone you have pledged yourself to so that you can have a moment of happiness. Because that's all it is. A moment. A life is built up of a series of moments. I believe that it is our responsibility to build these moments with the best of intentions. Loyalty, and commitment to a bigger picture is the glue that holds this life of moments together. If that is true, and I believe it is, then that would mean that deceit and betrayal are the elements that will destroy a great, wonderful, and happy life or lives.
In today's "Modern American Society", have we gotten so selfish, with our "bling" and our narcissistic behavior, that we have lost even the smallest bit of compassion for what is right? Are we so blinded by our greed, and "coming up" that we have forgotten the value of a true friend?
"Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I might not lead.
Walk beside me, and be my friend"
I'm just saying
~SB~
In today's "Modern American Society", have we gotten so selfish, with our "bling" and our narcissistic behavior, that we have lost even the smallest bit of compassion for what is right? Are we so blinded by our greed, and "coming up" that we have forgotten the value of a true friend?
"Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I might not lead.
Walk beside me, and be my friend"
I'm just saying
~SB~
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