Guilty

I spend too much time thinking about my mistakes. I suppose it comes from my religious background, or maybe the run-in's I've had with the law... Whatever it is, I spend a lot of time in regret. 

I know, I know,... people like me are not supposed to have "No Regrets" yet they exist. There are people out there that hate me... Some of them I have no control over, like certain government agencies, women's movements, minority rights activists, both conservative and liberal groups... I suppose that there's a significant amount of guilt built from how I judge others... 

We all judge, I judge not on race, political influence, social status, sex, or sexual preference... I judge on your statue of human morality. 

I feel we're all equal... Equal, meaning that no one is better than anyone else based solely on what they are, who they believe in, or who they fuck, but what we do as human entities. 

Then there are personal relationships. These memories have a bigger influence on me, because these are judgments made upon me from people that I once'd loved. I hear all of the time how we need to move past our prior engagements, and embrase our own personel happiness. How can I do that though? To do that would mean letting go of some significant relations, and what they stood for. 

I've lost a wife, and a son to these sort of relations... so how do I move on. 

There's a conflict in our social standing... We pretend that we stand for things like marriage, and parenthood, but all too often we put those atributes aside for things like personal gain, happiness or social success....

Yes I judge myself... constantly, and crave for there to be someone out there to say that I am living a righteous life, but if I expect society to be honest, then I must be honest with myself...

I have failed,.. badly... Yet I see no way to work around it.I hate hypocrisy, yet it surrounds just about every aspect of human life, and I see it most predominately in myself. 

So then, logic dictates that I must hate myself. I could turn away from this hypocrisy, but then that would only lead to more self-loathing. 

There is no beneficial answer to this conundrum, because the answer would mean our own demise... so we live on,.. and for some of us, that means regrets. 

I'm just saying