Too many times I have sat here and bitched about what has wronged me. However there are a couple of friends that have stood by me. While all others fled, they stood solid, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I mean how many people do you have in your life that will support you no matter what? Honestly, where I sit, there could be an end to me at any moment. I could be locked up again at an bothersome clerk's whim. Yet they still carry on. So here's to you Dave and Dani .. you've done for me what no one else was willing to do. I hope I never let you down. I'll try, but I am only human. Sometimes I think that it's not enough,.. but I try anyways, because of people like you!
Thank You
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Holy ????
I put up a post a week ago. I stated that I was drawing a line in the sand....
Here's the thing about drawing a line. You force people to say "fuck you" to you. This is never a good idea. To do that, will straight out, put a brick wall in front of you on the freeway, at 75 MPH. You'll be forced to deal with the fact that no one lives in black and white as you do. There's so many shades of grey, and bottom line is, not everyone is a "Stand Up Mother Fucker" like you learned in the joint. Many people don't like to live outside their comfort zone. This is something I should have recognized before I made the ultimatum. I was wrong for that .. I guess... I think.
Here's the thing. I was taught that if you stand for nothing then you'll fall for anything. This may have been a bad lesson to learn, to prepare me for the modern age. These old values are not only obsolete, but are dangerous to live by. A very close friend of mine recently told me that I was too rigid. That I was unable to mix with different social classes. This took me by surprise. Especially since, I had not only introduced this person to different genres, but for years I had been the spark in many of his/her barn fires. However, I had to take this into consideration, not only because I am on a spiritual quest to find answers, but because I truly value this persons friendship. To back up this argument, I found that when I drew my line, only those that were not affiliated with the situation, took a stand. So maybe I am too rigid. ... or am I?
Here's another thing about taking a stand. It makes you accountable. But it allows you to hold those among you accountable. This has pro's and con's. The con's are, that you are easily subjected to judgement, and scrutiny. You constantly have to keep backing up your word with actions, and everyone takes notice. Especially when you fall flat on your face! ... You'll be forced into a role of leadership, and you'll be responsible for the actions of all those that follow you. Many of those, weaker than you are, will be looking for your failures, to give them ammunition to use against you. And ammunition, you will inevitably provide. There is no avoiding this, for it is impossible for anyone to be perfect at all times. ( Don't get me started on this ... I can even point out scripture where Jesus himself allowed himself to be in a position of scrutiny.)
Now don't get me wrong. There are many pro's to being a "Stand Up Mother FU@$#R" You're allowed to walk with your head up, knowing that you have stood up against popular belief, for something you actually believe in. You're allowed a sense of arrogance, and you can always justify it with your actions, which can never be challenged because most will cower rather than act. There is a lot to be said for that. You do gain the respect of many for that. If for no other reason, but because they are afraid to act themselves. Yes you'll gain enemy's,... however it's much more clear who they are, and you'll see them coming from much farther distances. When you stand up and say "THIS IS BULLSHIT" not only do you get attention, ( that part I don't much care for, contrary to popular belief) but you feel good about actually believing in something. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say. " I was right for that decision, if for no other. It is for that feeling, that I continue on my " less than popular" trail.
I retract my original ultimatum, but I do not apologize. I wanted to know who my friends are, and I believe I did. I learned that I do have friends. Maybe not as dedicated to me as I am to them, but I learned that I do have friends. For that I am very thankful. Thank you, to all my friends. However, I am one who stands for beliefs that have not been all that long forgotten. I challenge each and everyone of you that reads this to stand up for your beliefs. To expect those that you love to stand up for those beliefs too. Otherwise what really is the point. A life of mediocrity is really no life at all.
Now I am gonna end this ranting with something even more unpopular,but riddle me this before you judge.... Why is it so easy for us to accept others beliefs? Why is it that the stranger those beliefs are the more we embrace them,... at least in my circles? How do these beliefs have any more validity than those that have been around for thousands of years? Are they any less valid? God knows that I am not the example, by any means, of what a Christian should be, but I question this new trend to immediately disregard what a Christian says. Yes I'll agree, there is certainly too much judgment among that circle, but does that justify a complete disregard to what a man 2 thousand years ago said? Because if it does, that is amazing to me ... or very American. I guess it should be expected .. we, a country of about 200 years old, feel that it is our responsibility to solve the problems in the rest of the world that began over 3 thousand years ago. And they call me arrogant!
No Matter ... This was something significant to me .. Take it as you will...
Revelations 3:14-22
14 “And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: ‘The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God's creation.
15 “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! 16 So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. 17 For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. 19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. 21 The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”
WOW!!!
wow! I am stupefied with myself right now... Yet, in some weird way, it makes sense.
I'm just Saying
~SB~
Here's the thing about drawing a line. You force people to say "fuck you" to you. This is never a good idea. To do that, will straight out, put a brick wall in front of you on the freeway, at 75 MPH. You'll be forced to deal with the fact that no one lives in black and white as you do. There's so many shades of grey, and bottom line is, not everyone is a "Stand Up Mother Fucker" like you learned in the joint. Many people don't like to live outside their comfort zone. This is something I should have recognized before I made the ultimatum. I was wrong for that .. I guess... I think.
Here's the thing. I was taught that if you stand for nothing then you'll fall for anything. This may have been a bad lesson to learn, to prepare me for the modern age. These old values are not only obsolete, but are dangerous to live by. A very close friend of mine recently told me that I was too rigid. That I was unable to mix with different social classes. This took me by surprise. Especially since, I had not only introduced this person to different genres, but for years I had been the spark in many of his/her barn fires. However, I had to take this into consideration, not only because I am on a spiritual quest to find answers, but because I truly value this persons friendship. To back up this argument, I found that when I drew my line, only those that were not affiliated with the situation, took a stand. So maybe I am too rigid. ... or am I?
Here's another thing about taking a stand. It makes you accountable. But it allows you to hold those among you accountable. This has pro's and con's. The con's are, that you are easily subjected to judgement, and scrutiny. You constantly have to keep backing up your word with actions, and everyone takes notice. Especially when you fall flat on your face! ... You'll be forced into a role of leadership, and you'll be responsible for the actions of all those that follow you. Many of those, weaker than you are, will be looking for your failures, to give them ammunition to use against you. And ammunition, you will inevitably provide. There is no avoiding this, for it is impossible for anyone to be perfect at all times. ( Don't get me started on this ... I can even point out scripture where Jesus himself allowed himself to be in a position of scrutiny.)
Now don't get me wrong. There are many pro's to being a "Stand Up Mother FU@$#R" You're allowed to walk with your head up, knowing that you have stood up against popular belief, for something you actually believe in. You're allowed a sense of arrogance, and you can always justify it with your actions, which can never be challenged because most will cower rather than act. There is a lot to be said for that. You do gain the respect of many for that. If for no other reason, but because they are afraid to act themselves. Yes you'll gain enemy's,... however it's much more clear who they are, and you'll see them coming from much farther distances. When you stand up and say "THIS IS BULLSHIT" not only do you get attention, ( that part I don't much care for, contrary to popular belief) but you feel good about actually believing in something. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say. " I was right for that decision, if for no other. It is for that feeling, that I continue on my " less than popular" trail.
I retract my original ultimatum, but I do not apologize. I wanted to know who my friends are, and I believe I did. I learned that I do have friends. Maybe not as dedicated to me as I am to them, but I learned that I do have friends. For that I am very thankful. Thank you, to all my friends. However, I am one who stands for beliefs that have not been all that long forgotten. I challenge each and everyone of you that reads this to stand up for your beliefs. To expect those that you love to stand up for those beliefs too. Otherwise what really is the point. A life of mediocrity is really no life at all.
Now I am gonna end this ranting with something even more unpopular,but riddle me this before you judge.... Why is it so easy for us to accept others beliefs? Why is it that the stranger those beliefs are the more we embrace them,... at least in my circles? How do these beliefs have any more validity than those that have been around for thousands of years? Are they any less valid? God knows that I am not the example, by any means, of what a Christian should be, but I question this new trend to immediately disregard what a Christian says. Yes I'll agree, there is certainly too much judgment among that circle, but does that justify a complete disregard to what a man 2 thousand years ago said? Because if it does, that is amazing to me ... or very American. I guess it should be expected .. we, a country of about 200 years old, feel that it is our responsibility to solve the problems in the rest of the world that began over 3 thousand years ago. And they call me arrogant!
No Matter ... This was something significant to me .. Take it as you will...
Revelations 3:14-22
14 “And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: ‘The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God's creation.
15 “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! 16 So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. 17 For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. 19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. 21 The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”
WOW!!!
wow! I am stupefied with myself right now... Yet, in some weird way, it makes sense.
I'm just Saying
~SB~
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Huh?
I am confused. What does commitment, loyalty, friendship, marriage mean in this new millennium? Are these even attributes in todays American society? Maybe I am just too old school, but I still believe in these institutions. When you gain my commitment, you've earned yourself a true companion. Is is wrong for me to expect the same of others? Am I not also entitled to happiness? Does my happiness have to come from the pain of others. In todays America, do I have to "catch ya slipping " to find happiness? Do I have to constantly watch over my shoulder to make sure that people I am supposed to trust and depend on aren't waiting to stab me in the back? How is that really happiness? Call me weird, I don't believe that it is right to utterly destroy someone you have pledged yourself to so that you can have a moment of happiness. Because that's all it is. A moment. A life is built up of a series of moments. I believe that it is our responsibility to build these moments with the best of intentions. Loyalty, and commitment to a bigger picture is the glue that holds this life of moments together. If that is true, and I believe it is, then that would mean that deceit and betrayal are the elements that will destroy a great, wonderful, and happy life or lives.
In today's "Modern American Society", have we gotten so selfish, with our "bling" and our narcissistic behavior, that we have lost even the smallest bit of compassion for what is right? Are we so blinded by our greed, and "coming up" that we have forgotten the value of a true friend?
"Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I might not lead.
Walk beside me, and be my friend"
I'm just saying
~SB~
In today's "Modern American Society", have we gotten so selfish, with our "bling" and our narcissistic behavior, that we have lost even the smallest bit of compassion for what is right? Are we so blinded by our greed, and "coming up" that we have forgotten the value of a true friend?
"Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I might not lead.
Walk beside me, and be my friend"
I'm just saying
~SB~
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
What The F@#$
"What the FUCK did you do?!!!"
A question asked by those we have betrayed, screwed over, destroyed, or all of the above.
"What the Fuck are you gonna do now?!!!"
A question for those of us that still have any morality to ask ourselves, when we have betrayed, screwed over, or destroyed someone that loved us.
"What the Fuck were you thinking?!!!"
The question that our loved ones ask us when they haven't learned that they should give up on us.
A question asked by those we have betrayed, screwed over, destroyed, or all of the above.
"What the Fuck are you gonna do now?!!!"
A question for those of us that still have any morality to ask ourselves, when we have betrayed, screwed over, or destroyed someone that loved us.
"What the Fuck were you thinking?!!!"
The question that our loved ones ask us when they haven't learned that they should give up on us.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tipping Your Hat To Those That Seem To Hate You
This last year has been one of the hard ones. I've had a few, so I should be used to it by now. After all, this isn't my first rodeo. Yet,... still it burns. I hurt so much at times that I sometimes have to remember how to breathe... Even then I find myself struggling to take that breath.
I have a very dear friend by the name of Mitch. We are also each others nemesis, or so we pretend. What I think I love and hate most about Mitch is his ability to make me feel like a stupid, ignorant, and innocent retard. Even though he knows I have landed myself, several times, locked up behind bars, he still makes me feel naive. ( however I know that no one really MAKES any one feel anything, but you get my point ) The thing about felling innocent is that it is waisted on the innocence.
Mitch and I both have what I like to call the "Tough Guy" virus. So while we both push out this persona of hatred and venom towards each other, there is a very dear spot reserved for each of us in each others heart. Now I don't mean this in any sort of a gay way (eyes Marcos ) but the two of us have shared moments of truth and honesty that neither of us will ever admit to. I mean it would ruin both of our reps! It's those very few moments, that have left me with a deep respect for my friend Mitch. I honestly believe that he feels the same way, deep down inside ... where it counts. If I was to die right now, I'm sure that he would be jumping on a freight train to make it to my funeral. There are a few others I can say that about. Very few. In fact I doubt if my own wife would show up, or my mother, or my longest friend, but I believe that Mitch would be there.
So if you ever see me take a jab at Mitch, just know that it is because that is the way we are.
( tips his hat towards his nemesis)
For those of you whom have had to deal with my rantings. I apologize. I wish there was something that I could tell ya. I can't even say that I won't do it again. I swear to god, I sometimes don't even know myself. This is something that I am finding way harder to deal with then I ever thought it would be. Maybe that is because I never thought I would be here again. Not after Schmoe. After her, all thoughts of this sort of dismay were washed from my mind. To be thrown back into it, well the shock is overwhelming. The only thing I can offer is my apologies, and understanding if ya choose to leave. "Everyone leaves at some point, so why wouldn't you."
I will, someday, get through this, and to those of you that make it through this with me, I offer my thanks in advance. You obviously see something in me I no longer see in myself. I hope you're right. I hope to one day make it up to all of you. Especially you Dave and Dani, whom have stood beside me when all others had turned their heads.
With that, I feel it is time to bid ya ya a good night. I'll get back to writing the funny shit I used to write back when I wrote for ASAAT. Till then, I hope ya'll can give me the leeway to flounder a bit.
I'm Just Saying
~SB~
I have a very dear friend by the name of Mitch. We are also each others nemesis, or so we pretend. What I think I love and hate most about Mitch is his ability to make me feel like a stupid, ignorant, and innocent retard. Even though he knows I have landed myself, several times, locked up behind bars, he still makes me feel naive. ( however I know that no one really MAKES any one feel anything, but you get my point ) The thing about felling innocent is that it is waisted on the innocence.
Mitch and I both have what I like to call the "Tough Guy" virus. So while we both push out this persona of hatred and venom towards each other, there is a very dear spot reserved for each of us in each others heart. Now I don't mean this in any sort of a gay way (eyes Marcos ) but the two of us have shared moments of truth and honesty that neither of us will ever admit to. I mean it would ruin both of our reps! It's those very few moments, that have left me with a deep respect for my friend Mitch. I honestly believe that he feels the same way, deep down inside ... where it counts. If I was to die right now, I'm sure that he would be jumping on a freight train to make it to my funeral. There are a few others I can say that about. Very few. In fact I doubt if my own wife would show up, or my mother, or my longest friend, but I believe that Mitch would be there.
So if you ever see me take a jab at Mitch, just know that it is because that is the way we are.
( tips his hat towards his nemesis)
For those of you whom have had to deal with my rantings. I apologize. I wish there was something that I could tell ya. I can't even say that I won't do it again. I swear to god, I sometimes don't even know myself. This is something that I am finding way harder to deal with then I ever thought it would be. Maybe that is because I never thought I would be here again. Not after Schmoe. After her, all thoughts of this sort of dismay were washed from my mind. To be thrown back into it, well the shock is overwhelming. The only thing I can offer is my apologies, and understanding if ya choose to leave. "Everyone leaves at some point, so why wouldn't you."
I will, someday, get through this, and to those of you that make it through this with me, I offer my thanks in advance. You obviously see something in me I no longer see in myself. I hope you're right. I hope to one day make it up to all of you. Especially you Dave and Dani, whom have stood beside me when all others had turned their heads.
With that, I feel it is time to bid ya ya a good night. I'll get back to writing the funny shit I used to write back when I wrote for ASAAT. Till then, I hope ya'll can give me the leeway to flounder a bit.
I'm Just Saying
~SB~
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