Throughout my life, I have been lucky enough to have three "Great Loves". Each one greater than the one before. The thing about a "Great Love", is that the dreams don't ever end. The heart never fully recovers. Sure, the longer you are separated, the duller the the pain of losing them becomes, but you never forget a "Great Love". The pain of losing them, is never completely washed away. My first one ended almost 20 years ago. Yet still, she will creep into my mind on occasion. And when she does, so do all the memories. While I still hurt over the memory of losing her, I love the feeling that all the other memories bring me. Of course, like any other wound, the fresher it is, the more it hurts. The easier it is for the stitches to break. But I am lucky, especially with my last "Great Love". I have gotten the chance to really love someone. Someone once really loved me too, and that,....
....is a miracle.
I'm Just Saying
~SB~
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Draw That Line!
It doesn't matter how right you are.. when the one , (or the one's,) you love, choose to side against you... At that point.... you have to make a decision ...ARE YOU RIGHT?!?!?..
And what are you willing to do about it??!!??!!
Sometimes it doesn't matter how right you are. You will still have to suffer the consequences... The consequences of following the choices of your your beliefs. Sometimes, you just have to realize,... you have done everything right, but it just wasn't enough! Not just enough for them, but not necessarily enough in general.
There are many factors to this outcome ... What you must decide is ... in a hundred years, will anyone give a shit? If not, then I say fuck it,.. and fuck them .. when put into perspective, they're obviously not worth it.
Perspective ... Now there is a notion.
I've fucked up a lot in my life, and I still pay for many of those mistakes. Sometimes, realizing that, doesn't make anything easier. In fact,.. when you see someone you care very deeply about, making the same mistakes, it makes it harder. Not only because you can see the mistakes they're making, but that you see that you can't stop them.
As a person who had to put my hand on the stove, to realize that they were telling the truth when they said it would burn me,... I feels so helpless, when I see a loved one reaching out for that burner.
When you already know everything, then there is nothing left for you to learn.
~SB~
And what are you willing to do about it??!!??!!
Sometimes it doesn't matter how right you are. You will still have to suffer the consequences... The consequences of following the choices of your your beliefs. Sometimes, you just have to realize,... you have done everything right, but it just wasn't enough! Not just enough for them, but not necessarily enough in general.
There are many factors to this outcome ... What you must decide is ... in a hundred years, will anyone give a shit? If not, then I say fuck it,.. and fuck them .. when put into perspective, they're obviously not worth it.
Perspective ... Now there is a notion.
I've fucked up a lot in my life, and I still pay for many of those mistakes. Sometimes, realizing that, doesn't make anything easier. In fact,.. when you see someone you care very deeply about, making the same mistakes, it makes it harder. Not only because you can see the mistakes they're making, but that you see that you can't stop them.
As a person who had to put my hand on the stove, to realize that they were telling the truth when they said it would burn me,... I feels so helpless, when I see a loved one reaching out for that burner.
When you already know everything, then there is nothing left for you to learn.
~SB~
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Holy Roller
I have this homework assignment that requires me to make a 11 x 17 poster ad that includes a sporting event background. My professor wants to see action. Since I am broke, and can't afford to purchase images at the quality level, and size that I need, I have decided to dray up my own image. I have chosen Roller Derby as my sport. I am thinking that I will use a comic book sort of format, and would like to back it up with some actual photography. However, I think I will end up drawing the entire picture myself. Later I will import my drawing into Photoshop and make a slew of adjustments.
It's times like this that I really miss Schmoe. While she and I are very different artists, she has a knowledge and perspective that I have always admired.
I hope this piece comes out well. I don't know though. Some of my proportions are a bit extreme. However, this is common in comic book art. I am just in the sketching mode, but I can see already, that by choosing to draw my own image, old school style, and incorporate it into a modern art form, I am taking a big risk.
Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.
It's times like this that I really miss Schmoe. While she and I are very different artists, she has a knowledge and perspective that I have always admired.
I hope this piece comes out well. I don't know though. Some of my proportions are a bit extreme. However, this is common in comic book art. I am just in the sketching mode, but I can see already, that by choosing to draw my own image, old school style, and incorporate it into a modern art form, I am taking a big risk.
Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Too Bad...
It's just too bad that all of those letters, all of those visits, all of those conversations, all of those nights... are a waste .. It's just too bad..
I Wish I Wish I Wish...
So we're getting down to it. I am beginning to realize what is going on. I was gone for a little too long. Now... for many, 15 months isn't that much, especially when you have already gone through the first 13, but to some people, it's just too much.
It seems that my wife is one of those casualties. That it was just too long... By a hair. But too long, none the same.
I don't believe that she has forgotten all that we were, but I understand now that she wants to forget, and that leads to so many of the decisions made today.
It is so very sad that it has come to this. It is so very sad that she needs to remember me in such a light, but it makes sense .. I guess
The truth is, she has moved on. She has committed to her decision. That once, I was a decision that she had committed to, but now, she has forsaken that choice for another.
Actually, it was her dedication to her choices that drew me to her the most. Now that her dedication is focused elsewhere, how can I blame her?
I only regret that her dedication couldn't last another 58 days. Maybe we would be better for it in the end. I would like to believe so. However she disagree's. She has chosen to hate everything that brought her to here ... I guess so must I.
So I will continue on .. once again single .. a place I look not forward to. However is is what it is.
I miss her dedication. I understand the dedication she now has. It makes sense I suppose. It's too bad that she wouldn't face me head on. Guess she knew that she couldn't.
I miss her being my everything, guess she doesn't. However I guess it makes sense.
So it's over... not the way that I would hope for, but over none the same. I wish you the best my love. I only hope that you can remember one great thing about me. I hope. I wish ... I wish ... Just one great thing...
It seems that my wife is one of those casualties. That it was just too long... By a hair. But too long, none the same.
I don't believe that she has forgotten all that we were, but I understand now that she wants to forget, and that leads to so many of the decisions made today.
It is so very sad that it has come to this. It is so very sad that she needs to remember me in such a light, but it makes sense .. I guess
The truth is, she has moved on. She has committed to her decision. That once, I was a decision that she had committed to, but now, she has forsaken that choice for another.
Actually, it was her dedication to her choices that drew me to her the most. Now that her dedication is focused elsewhere, how can I blame her?
I only regret that her dedication couldn't last another 58 days. Maybe we would be better for it in the end. I would like to believe so. However she disagree's. She has chosen to hate everything that brought her to here ... I guess so must I.
So I will continue on .. once again single .. a place I look not forward to. However is is what it is.
I miss her dedication. I understand the dedication she now has. It makes sense I suppose. It's too bad that she wouldn't face me head on. Guess she knew that she couldn't.
I miss her being my everything, guess she doesn't. However I guess it makes sense.
So it's over... not the way that I would hope for, but over none the same. I wish you the best my love. I only hope that you can remember one great thing about me. I hope. I wish ... I wish ... Just one great thing...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Careful What You Wish For
Tonight I was punched in the stomach by the one I have never loved more.
When will you stop lying love? When will you become yourself again? When will you admit that you have made some bad choices? Cause there is no future till you do.
Tonight I realized,... that I have to admit,... that I never really knew someone,.. someone that I have known for so long. That there is a crazy that can be hidden from my sight, till that crazy has been turned against me. That no matter what I try to do right, that there will always be those that I tried to help, who will use these helpful actions as ammunition against me. That it just may be just as foolish as everyone says, to ever really trust someone. That I am truly a fool.
Tonight I learned that there is a price to be paid for love. And that it's not worth it.
When will you stop lying love? When will you become yourself again? When will you admit that you have made some bad choices? Cause there is no future till you do.
Tonight I realized,... that I have to admit,... that I never really knew someone,.. someone that I have known for so long. That there is a crazy that can be hidden from my sight, till that crazy has been turned against me. That no matter what I try to do right, that there will always be those that I tried to help, who will use these helpful actions as ammunition against me. That it just may be just as foolish as everyone says, to ever really trust someone. That I am truly a fool.
Tonight I learned that there is a price to be paid for love. And that it's not worth it.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Quick Idea
So I am trying to get a job right now, and there seems to be nothing out there. So I'm thinking of ideas, and here's one that popped into my head. Why don't we have a government agency to keep our monuments clean and in good shape. I mean the Statue of Liberty could probably employ 500 people a year alone. How many people in this country don't know that it's copper? There are statues, and monuments in just about every city in this country. There are thousands of jobs right there. I mean we have agency's that has the sole purpose to find ways to lock up people, how come we don't have more agency's that could actually help people?
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