Letting Schmoe

Letting Schmoe

Ok … guess it's gotten to be that time … time for me to actually put this to print.

I wrote this while I was in prison … it's raw … I censored a little bit, but if I was to totally be discretionary about this, then I feel artistically, we would lose the point.

It's incomplete, but with all the questions, I feel I need to print what I had. The rest will follow.

It's also a matter of perspective. While I have not lied or made up one thing in this, you have to remember that I am reacting to the information given to me. Upon my release I found that some of this wasn't true .. however, in most cases it was worse.

So here we go.

7/26/10

Things I'll miss about Schmoe

-The little dances we would do when we saw each other.

- The way I would act stupid and sing her silly little songs.

- I never got bored just being next to her.

- We knew the worse about each other and yet, were still crazy about each other.

- The way complete strangers would comment on just how perfect we were together

- The way everyone was jealous of us.

- Listening to her comments on my snoring.

-Listening to her snore.

-Our “ ADVENTURES”

The Cataclysm

8/3/10

About 3 ½ years ago, Schmoe showed up at my doorstep with nothing but the clothes on her back and an unhealthy attraction to pharmaceuticals! Nothing

in her back pack but a change of clothes.

We had dated off and on for about 1-2 years prior to this. I had been in the same situation before in my life, so I took a minute to listen.

She said that just needed a place to crash for a week or two while she got things arranged with her friend in California.

Two years later and 2,400 miles away, we were married. She was my best friend and I loved her more than life itself. Never thought it could have happened! Not with her … Not with anyone.

A little over a year ago I had gotten myself in a bit of a fix, and ended up having to do a bit of time in the big house. Fifteen months to be exact. I had gotten myself into my first DUI. I did it, and had to pay the price for it... I rolled my pick-up truck over. Hit some garbage cans,.. and scared an old mama till she fell over. She fractured her rib, and got herself a cut on the head...... It made the news, and they made a big show of it. So I had to face the big music. Which is what I did. (what else could I do?) Even after all of the Sh@t I've been through, all I can think about is, … I'm glad that everyone walked away, … in the end, .. at a 100%. No one got dead, and no one,..(except me,).. ended up the worse for it.

I thank God for that constantly. I made the poor choice, it makes sense that I should be the one to pay for it. ( and OH GOD! Have I paid for it!)

Schmoe an I were strong though … This was nothing but a bump in the road in life for us.

The first year went by quickly, well it is in the aftermath. It seemed to drag by forever for me, but before I knew it, 1 year was done, and I only has 3 months to go. Schmoe had posted on FaceBook, and other networking sites that we were almost there!! How excited she was about me getting out! We were almost through this!

It wasn't easy. She quit her job, and chose to live on unemployment. I knew she was drinking too much because I could still smell the booze on her from the night before at our visits.

She had admitted to being unfaithful, but I didn't care about any of this. I knew that in her heart, she was true, and that was all that really mattered to me.

I tried not to ever come down hard on her. Especially while I was in prison. Too many times I have seen guys in prison try to control their wold outside only to see it sift though their hands like sand through their fingers,

I tried to encourage her. Sent her pictures that I had drawn, and wrote her letters every week.

I did push a little bit on her getting a job. More than anything I wanted her to be happy. I knew there was no way for her to be happy without me while I was in prison. .. so I gave her little projects... things I thought she would like. Drawing pictures, helping me design my movie .. ect...ect. So on ..

I let her know that I wasn't happy about here indiscretions, but that I understood .. I am in prison, and there is the prison clause... I get it!! I understood that, and wasn't gonna let that come between us!

Not long after we had passed the year mark,.. the visits, and the letters just stopped!

I became frantic with worry. Was she in jail? Was she in the hospital? Was she dead? … (I never thought for a second that she could be unfaithful)

63 days till I get out. I get a letter from Wendell ( my roommate on the streets)

he tells me that my wife has not only betrayed me but has left me homeless and has given most of my stuff to friends of mine. That I have have no home, no wife, and evidently no real friends. That when I get out in a couple of months that I will truly have to start with nothing.

That her and her new boyfriend were dividing up my belongings. What her boyfriend didn't want to wear, what his friends didn't want, what they couldn't use on the road, … they threw away ( by the way, within a 20 mile radius, there were about 20 people that would have taken in my stuff till I got back on my feet,...My Dad, my Mom, 2 brothers, 3sitsers, and a half a dozen friends …. guess she had no choice but to either give my shit away or throw it away)

This,!,!,! .. about the woman whom is my best friend, my lover, my one and only! The only good I've ever done in my life , has left ,,, and for whom??? . ELI!!!! ( that piece of shit exploited a weak woman and forced me to pay the price!)

TOTAL BULLSHIT!!! NEVER!!! Schmoe would never do that to me!!! Schmoe would never lower herself to that level!!! BULSHIT!!!!! What Schmoe and I have,... CAN NEVER BE REPLACED … I call BULLSHIT! She'd NEVER do something like that to me! EVER!

The next day I got a letter from Karla … Eli's Ex. ( Eli was the guy whom she had admitted to being unfaithful with. Eli, and Karla was a “Couple Friend' of ours....)

Still, I call BULLSHIT!!! .. Schmoe would never Fuck me like that, .. and she would never steal a friends man …. I was getting upset …. Ready to fight for Schmoe … AGAIN! ( like that one guy who called her a “whore” at that one place)

The next Monday, I got a letter from Schmoe … she said she couldn't do it anymore … That she couldn't take care of me any more ..( still don't know what that means .. I mean besides sending me $30 - $50 dollars here and there,along with the occasional visit which was much appreciated, how do you compare that to giving someone a new life? She showed up broke , homeless, without direction, and hungry. Fixing that!... , is what I think of, when I think of, when taking care of someone.)

I couldn't believe it... but there they were.. the words that could destroy me .. right in front of my face... written by the one person who would never hurt me … but yet.

58 days to go … here I am.

8/7/10

More Things I'll Miss About Schmoe

- Grocery shopping with her

- That surge of excitement I got after a long day at work.

- Our BBQ's and our Poker Games

- Making Christmas cookies

- Taking Pictures with her.

- Riding the bus with her.

- Going and finding good places to eat together.

- Sleeping in our Van ( by choice) together.

- Art Time

- Watching movies with her.

8/7/10

Today started out ok … I got my workout done first thing in the morning. I got to listen to my two favorite “ Old Time Country” shows on the radio. They play them every Sunday morning.

I was doing ok till I went down to lunch, and one of the guards asked me, “ Where's your visitor been, Elvis?” I had to tell him that she had jumped ship. My chest dropped to my knees,.... and suddenly my feet were as heavy as lead.

See there aren't too many dudes in here sporting a Pompadour and wearing old “Chucks”...even among the guards, I guess, Elvis is the only “Greaser” they have ever seen. So I have gained the name of the “King”,... not just with my fellow “convicts”, but also amongst the guards … I don't mind .. better than them knowing my real name, and trying to look me up on the streets.

Anyways,... Schmoe and I were kind of legends around here. Especially on Saturdays, when she USED to come and visit me here.

The female guards would give me compliments, on occasion, on how good we were together.

The guard that asked me “ Where my visitor was” , was a guard who always that has always looked at me funny,.... till he saw me and Jamie at a visit together. Then he came up to me ( right before he stripped searched me and made me bend over and cough) ...he looked at me and told me that “ he gets it”.That it didn't get any better than me and Schmoe.

So when,.. he was the one to stop me and ask me about my wife,... well it hit me like a ton of bricks .. another day .. I'll get through this.

34 days to go

8/8/10

What did you do Schmoe?!?!?! … what are you still doing?!?!?! … WHY are you doing this to us?!!?!?!?

8/9/10

Man! It sucks to keep hearing about Jamie posting on-line about how much fun she is having! … Especially when I'm so miserable here in prison. I was talking to my friend... “ Hole Punch”,… I was trying to explain to him just how wonderful my wife Jamie and I are / were … together. He asked me how sure I was about the relationship. He suggested that maybe Jamie was never as in love with me, as I was with her … maybe she was never as happy .. Maybe she has been faking it all along …

maybe's he's right … Little things pop up in my head now and then. Like the look on her face after she'd read a text sent to her on our “Road Trip”

Who is this elusive “EX” and should I be looking for some pointers/?!?!.

maybe she was just using me as an excuse to run away …

I Don't want to think that , but I live in the real world... Ahh.,,, I miss my “Pretend”

A good friend of mine once said, “ SickBoy … You're not fooling me with all of these women … You're looking for a wife! … Well, .. L- H . I thought I had finally found her … WRONG!!! lol :D.

8/13/10

More Things I'll Miss About Schmoe

• Sitting next to her during horror flix
• Dancing with her.
• Creeping up and scarring her.
• Playing practical jokes on here.
• Playing with her.
• Talking all night with her.
• Ridding bikes with her.
• Making her breakfast in the morning.
• Building her things.
• Traveling with her.
• Planning our future with her.
• Protecting her honor.
• Watching her try to turn right.

26 Days To Go

8/15/10

Had to take a couple of days there to calm down. Here's how I look at it. I can understand her drinking too much. I can even get over her quitting her job, ans not really trying to find another one. I can understand, not approve, but understand, her drinking away the rent money ans putting herself in the situation where she has no choice but to flee with this punk Eli. I can forgive her for all of that. I still love this woman with all of my heart. She needs me and goes to shit when I'm not there. I can understand that, but look at how she did it. She didn't talk to me about it. She never told me that she was in trouble. She just sent me a “Dear John” letter and left me to deal with it. The whole while bragging to our friends, whom of course let me know about it. Doing this on-line through all the networking sites, all the while I'm rotting away in prison, with only two months left to go.

25 Days To Go

8/19/10

Not much to talk about. Still no word from Schmoe. Im beginning to doubt id I'll ever get any. When I first got the letter from Wendell, saying that Schmoe had “punked” me, I wrote a letter to my sister Rhonda. I asked her to look into it.I didn't believe anything that anyone was telling me. I knew that she would get to the bottom of it, and give me a straight answer.

Well she has written me back. Schmoe has gone back to here maiden name, and has completely deleted me from her life. She got rid of all of our pics on the network sites, and has now proclaimed herself as “Eli's Girlfriend.”

I wonder if she thought of me at all when she went into the same courts to stand by “her man's “ side that she stood by my side in.

My sister said that the landlord is pissed. Evidently her and her new boyfriend trashed the place before they left, so he is sending me the bill.

21 Days To Go

8/20/10

Well I guess that it's really over. That blows! I can't make Schmoe do the right thing, and I can't spend the rest of my life hanging over her shoulder to make sure she doesn't fuck up.

We all have one life, ans if we're lucky, we find someone special to share it with. Then it's all over. We're dead. End of game.

I guess I do owe Schmoe a bit of thanks though. Till she left, it was the best relationship I had ever had. I guess it's only fitting that it would end up being the worse dumping I've ever experienced also. However, Schmoe did teach me what a good relationship was supposed to be. We never fought. We had each others back at all times. No matter what, she supported me. (till she didn't) She loved me just the way I was, and I was crazy about her, just the way she was! We knew all the most terrible things about each other, and it didn't matter, because we loved each other. To quote Alabama “you're so cool .. you're so cool .. you're so cool.” That's saying a lot, because both of us have quite the scarred history.

While, in the end, she turned everything we were into a lie, while we were together we really were the example. It was the most wonderful experience. I got to know what it was to truly love someone with every inch of my being who also loved me in the same way back.

I have loved in the past. I have been loved in the past. I have made commitments, and there have been commitments made to me, (and then there were those that should have just been committed) however, with Jamie, everything just flowed together, and it was easy. It was fun, always. And wonderful.

It seems that it is over now. So I guess I will have to let go. Learn to start over …

again.

20 Days To Go

8/21/10

I filled out the divorce papers today. They've been sitting in my box for over a month now. I got them when I got the letters from Wendell, Karla, and finally Schmoe herself.

I couldn't bear to look at them though. It saddened me to see her married name so many times besides mine. I sadden me to know that was the most I was ever gonna see that was on our divorce papers. It upset me to realize that we had never even really been given a chance to be married, and now I'm filling out divorce papers, alone, without even a conversation, in prison.

Yet I see no other option. I wish I was wrong. I wish I didn't have to file for divorce from my one true love. It took forever to find her, and thousands of miles.

Maybe I'll wait a bit. I can't actually do it anyways. I have no idea where she is, so I can't have her served. I think I'll wait a little while. I know it has to be done, but I'll cling to hope just a bit longer. Just a moment more.

God I hate prison! I hate having to go through this while in here.

19 Day To Go

8/22/10

More Things I'll Miss About Schmoe

• I'll miss waking up next to her
• I'll miss her drool on my shoulder
• I'll her touch, her kiss, her breath
• I'll miss making love to her
• I'll miss her laugh
• I'll miss laughing with her
• I'll miss her drawings
• I'll miss her picking fights with random strangers
• I'll miss her bean dip, potato salad, and fried chicken
• I'll miss walking to the store with her
• I'll miss her crystal blue eyes
• I'll miss her lack of gardening skills
• I'll miss her cleaning everything .. always
• I'll miss her excitement over dogs
• I'll miss just everything about her.

8/22/10

Today Dave came to visit me. Schmoe had come back and had paid him a visit. She needed to borrow $20.00.

She sent a message through him to me. She said to tell me that she wants a divorce....

She believes that the only reason I married her was to have someone watch my stuff.

I was almost sick. Right there in the visiting room I almost threw up.

So I guess it really is over.

I love this woman so much. All I want to do is spend the rest of my life making her happy. Making this up to her. To grow o;d with her.

I thought that she loved me in the same way.

Guess I was wrong... Because if she had loved me the same way that I love her, there would be no way that a 15 month prison sentence could come between us. No prison could build walls thick, or tall enough to separate our love. No cage that could keep us apart. Divorce would not ever come into play.

I guess there is nothing left for me. I gues I really am gonna have to learn to move on. Learn how to live again without her. Learn how to breathe again. It hurts so much! I just want to die! Right now!.. but I guess I won't. I guess I'll start learning to let go. Learn to “Let Schmoe”

18 Days To Go

Dear Nicki

Dear Nicki,

  With nothing but a hand bag, you had finally arrived...

Through your advancement, I learned how to love, how to thrive.

   I earned a friend, I thought for life...

We hit a curb, and  we experienced strife.

   We proved them all wrong...

Until we proved them all right.

   With the Wood now Dead ...

The truck out of sight.

   The North coast just a memory...Go West for the sunrise

The memory will burn... till I bid you goodnight.



   One Shoe Two Shoe,
Red Shoe.. Blue ...
   My God! I've read way to much Dr. Seuss as a kid!
Apologies everyone!
~SB~

Bah Humbug!

   What's so great about X-Mas anyways? Really?! No one really likes it, except the children. We should just call it Kid-Mas. The whole thing is based on a birth of a particular child anyways. ( I try to steer clear of religion in my blogs, so I won't elaborate)

   Seriously though, is there anything just "Oh So Awesome" about X-Mas anymore? It seems to be just another marketing tool to get you to buy a BMW. If fact the whole damn holiday has turned into an Add Executive's wet dream. Shit, I even saw an add a few years ago telling you to buy Pepto-Bismo, cause that's what Santa uses when he gets the runs. It's pretty disgusting, when you get right down to it.

   So what is so great about X-Mas? Is it the yearly argument you get into with that one aunt that no one gets. ( or are you the aunt no one gets?) Is it the guilty feelings you have for not making enough money to get your friends and family all the things the televisions tell you you're supposed to? Is it the psychotic thoughts you have while shopping in Target, Wal-Mart, The Mall, or any other facility where that person outside will not stop with that insistent ringing of the bell? You better give them money too, are Santa's gonna let his reindeer use your chimney as a port-a-pot.

   Maybe you're single, like me. maybe you've been dumped. Maybe I'm that just a jaded bastard that is just sniveling at his keyboard right now. Maybe it's the people like us that have this cynical way of looking at X-Mas and all the rest of ya, are "living the dream" right now. Ok, then why did they guy with his girl try to run me down because I couldn't limp out of the way of his parking spot fast enough.Why is that Mother with the 2 kids looking like she's about to rip out her hair and the dad looks like he's about to burn the joint down. Why is Suzie Home Maker making herself a Double Gin an Tonic with a side of Prozac right now? Why is this the number one time of the year when one will choose to Swan Dive off the tallest building rather than dealing with one more sugar cookie, or another Red Necks version of "12 Days Of Christmas"?
 
Maybe it's just me ... But I call BULLSHIT! I think you've all been had! X-Mas is no longer that joyous occasion, where people are generous and kind to each other. Where people celebrate the joy of giving, or families come together because they genuinely love each other. No! It's a time of DUI's and shoplifting. It's another excuse for the rich to get richer, and the poor to feel even shitier then they already do. It's a war commercial. It's a reason you have to buy her that necklace or she's gonna leave ya for some scrub in the desert with a tent and a bucket. It's 2 Alke-Selter, 6 Advils, a roll of Tums and one hell of a hanger over on the First of January, with everyone agreeing on one thing .... Thank God that we don't have to deal with that again for a whole year!

I'm just saying.

Hmmmm!

   Funny how here in America we have invented so many products that we no longer build. We invented the Microwave, the VCR, the Television, the DVD Player, the Cell Phone.... Yet we do not build one of these items any longer. Things that make ya go "Hmmmm"

   Your thoughts?

Punch Drunks Fun!

   Random shit that I have been thinking about. Fact is, I really have nothing to say right now, however I realized that if I say nothing at all, then this would be a rather lame blog. Thing is, it comes in spurts with me. I'll go weeks without having anything at all to bitch about, then I'll switch to a non-stop critic. I'll try to keep my thoughts in somewhat an order when I do write them. I'll try to be somewhat comical, and not "cry in my beer" all over these pages.I hate that shit, yet I have to admit that I do catch myself doing said nonsense on a semi-regular basis.

   Not much going on this week so far. Working at my lame job. (I wonder if it is really lame, or maybe it's just lame because I choose to perceive it that way?) Been doing the whole, "un-packing" thing, being that I just moved into a new place. I like the new place, but have already ran into a situation. Had to go play "Captain Save-A-Ho". Ironically, with in hours of my last posting. WTF!

   So I'm trying to sleep, when I hear this girl screaming bloody murder outside of my apartment. I try to wait it out, cause honestly, I want no drama right now. I certainly am not looking for any extra attention. I would like to just complete my parole without any issues. I don't need to end up siting in some cell with 15 other assholes, gasping for air though the endless flatulent defilement. All because I wanted to help. However, this girl won't quit screaming. 15 minutes go by and no one goes to help her. I couldn't believe it. It's 3:00 in the morning and there's this girl screaming for help in the middle of the courtyard, and no one goes to help. Unbelievable! So I put on some cloths, go out on my porch to see what's up. There's this girl balled up in the middle of the dirt with some dude hovering over her. Obviously I can't have that, so I rush down the stairs, and head out the door. By this time the dude had gotten her into his apartment, but I can still hear her screaming from inside. I pound on the door till dip-shit opens up, and I see her crumpled up on the floor behind this guy. She's pleading for help. Dude tries to push me out of his doorway, but I put my boot in the doorway, and explain to this tool that if he didn't let me in, I was gonna call the cops. Finally, after a little"persuasion" I get douche bag to let me in. I see instantly that this is a situation that was not going to resolve itself. So I help the girl up, and bring her over to my place. I get my female roommate up outta bed, cause I am not being alone with this crazy bitch. We call her a cab, and send her on her way.

   Now I am not saying that the dude did anything wrong. I mean I didn't actually see him hit her. Plus I have had some seriously crazy chicks involved in my life. I mean "Cybil" crazy. So who am I to judge the situation without any history to judge it on. However it was very clear to me that this girl was scared shitless, and needed some rescuing. No matter how unstable she was. (She may have been just wasted, but she did give me the " I'll stab you in your sleep for forgetting my dogs birthday" vibe)

   What really baffled me was that no-one was willing to help this girl. I mean this is not New York. This is Portland Oregon for the love of fuck! Really? That's where we're headed. Needless to say, I am not impressed. I just can't believe that people have become so callous here.

   I guess when  you think about it, it might make a little sense. I mean I really didn't want anything to do with the situation. This day and age, as we get closer and closer to becoming a "Police State", who wants to have anything to do with any situation that may have to involve cops. I sure as shit don't. Whatever...   It is what it is.

   What would you have done?

     I guess there isn't very much comedy in this one, but you didn't see what the guy looked like in his boxers!

  ~SB~

Roles

   You can call me crazy, if that suits ya, but I believe that there are roles we all play. In all actuality, this revelation is quite disturbing to me. It means that I have to take a long look at myself and see what role I play. Now I would like to say that I am one of those smart fellows that cans sit back and decide how others die. I did score well above the necessary level to qualify for that spot. However... I don't have the temperament.. Instead I usually end up commanding a squad of die hard mother fuckers,.. not that much they're  all that  different than myself. The only difference from me and your average "Pit Bull" is that I'd like to say that I know when to attack and from what direction. Also, I feel I have a sense of remorse.

   More times than not, though, I find that the people that usually put me in a position of action, are those that I care for the most. Without regret, apology, or thanks, they faultier into situations that require action, and that's where my cue comes in .. So be it .. It is what it is .. However ..
 
   I find that many women want a man that will be strong for them.. defend them, .. protect them ... So why are they so confused when they meet one such as I?

   I'll admit .. I get really tired of always fighting for others! Especially now, when you'll fight for one who won't fight for themselves, and you end up in jail for it. We have set up our laws to so elevate the "Bitch". " Don't stand up for yourself, .. if you do, we'll put you in prison" However, we still have the persona of what a man should be ( one I actually believe in). Be careful boys .. if ya get in a bar fight, chances are, no matter the situation, you'll go to prison for 70 months.

   You know they said that 75 years ago, it was difficult to be a women, but I've read nothing, this day and age, about locking up our women at a 7 to 1 ratio ... Just saying!

Lets Get the Introductions Over With 12/17/10

    So I am creating this blog for the sole purpose of bitching. I hope that one day it will evolve into one of those "oh so great happy" daily updates of my life, and how great things are going. To one day feel normal. Ahh, now that would be a dream! However, even now, while I pound at these keys with such fury, that I can't make three words without going back to correct a spelling mistake;.. well let's just get started.
  
   So I am your every day average pseudo punk rock reject. I was just recently released from prison. I got into a drunk driving accident. Thank god everyone is ok... (to be honest, I still don't think I even hit that person, but that is irrelevant.) My wife, the most wonderful person I had ever known (or so I thought) left me two moths to  the gate. She had made it 13 out of 15 months, then one day, out of no where, I got the "Dear John" letter stating that she was leaving me for a friend of ours. That was about 60 days before my release. It's been three months now since "Freedom Day".

   While I don't feel like getting into all the drama of my recent "Break Up', I suppose it is necessary to give a brief description of my history. If for no other reason but to give a little character reference.

   Schmoe, my wife, was my best friend. We have screwed, dated, friended, loved, and married each other for the last 5 years. The relationship was everywhere, but for the last three years, it was the most solid, DOWN!, happiest relationship I had ever been in . When my truck malfunctioned, and I went to jail, she was right by my side for .. (almost) .. the entire thing. We were tight. We were indestructible, .. as long as we were together. I fought for her, protected her, truly loved her, built for her, and bla bla bla .. same shit we've all heard a hundred thousand times. But me and her.. We were gold! It was me for her, and her for me, till the god damn wheels fell off .. well that was the plan anyways. Whatever. That's the gist of it  ..   It is what it is   ..   moving on.

   So I am living in Portland Oregon at the moment. I'll be here till my parole it up, then I'm getting the fuck outta here! This place has taken more than it's pound of flesh. I moved here, with Schmoe, from Minneapolis Minnesota. Before that, I had lived in all sorts of amazing places.. Alaska, Mexico, Idaho, Texas, California, Nevada, Hong Kong, Washington, New Mexico, Arizona, Taiwan  .....  the list will continue to go on .. I hope.

   Lets see what else can I say about myself quickly that will allow you an intimate knowledge of who I am without taking up a shit ton of time... Oh, My father is a minister. So is my brother for that matter. In fact, I was a missionary in about half a dozen countries, and states myself. However, seems, that my family and I have taken very deferent paths is our search for God. Maybe it was just me that changed. Maybe I grew and learned something... Maybe I just got lost.. I guess one day we'll see. Still, I have a strong sense of faith,and spirituality. An urge to see what is out there. An unquenchable thirst to find something more.

   Finally, the thing about myself I hate to talk about the most. I not only come from an extremely abusive past,   but I come from a very large family.  All of which have experienced, in one form or another, the same tragic experiences I have. It's a separated family on several levels, so  there is multiple fathers, and mothers involved. This could be the reason I am the giant "Fuck Up" I am. Or it could be all my fault. Who really knows? Honestly, if I ever wanna change it, I'll have to except responsibility for it. All of it. If for no other reason, but to move on.

   Wow! I had a shit ton to say when I started this, but now I just wanna chill for a moment. Gonna go have a drink, a smoke, think a bit, and be back to actually write something I wanna talk about. Guess the introduction took the wind outta of my sails ..hope it doesn't do the same for you .. Cheers! Till the next time.

   Check back soon. There's a good chance that I may even have something new to bitch about before you were even done reading this one.    :D

~SB~